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Often times my awkward feelings prohibit any general healing. So we sit and wait around for something better then now. It's a selfish life, left swipe on the things that we don't like. Exercise our tiny hearts and try to take it all in stride.
But I've got a lot of things to say to you. I've got a lot of things to say.
But I am just the archetype of everything that you despise. Your brain gets in the way of any progress that you think you've made. And those drugs you take, they just amplify the attributes we hate. They're the only thing you have control over, it's a such a shame.
And I've got a lot of things of say to you. I've got a lot of things to say.
But I won't sit around till things are better then now. I don't have the time to justify my state of mind to you. Until the day I'm dead, your voice occupies space inside my head. You have circumvented growth and I think that you should know.
Where you will go when you're all used up? Falling apart, you're shit out of luck. Where you will hide if guilt won't subside? Count the people who died to massage your pride. And where you be when there's nothing left? In an empty bed with wine on your breath. And where you go if it all breaks down? You'll be all doped up at your parent's house.
And I've got a lot of things of say to you.
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2. |
Maria
02:26
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Every Friday with Maria wheres I spill my guts, it's the only time I ever feel I open up. But lately please consider that you're way too much for me, every week.
Have you got dinner plans on this Friday night? Cause I'd quit therapy, if we could spent the night. I'd buy you flowers, and we have several drinks. I'd let you Freud me as much as you think that I need. It's nice to be heard and it doesn't really matter that you're paid for this. I like to think you're much more than a therapist, cause every week you're teaching me what safety means.
Cause I've been having some problems with problems I guess, so I try to solve them like Maria. And if you haven't seen the Sound of Music then you probably won't get that bit. And I've been having some problems with smoking in bed, can't get out of my head. In my dreams I make my mum so proud, I wish you could see.
And I've been having some problems with problems I guess, so I try to solve them like Maria. And if you haven't seen the Sound of Music then you probably won't get that bit. And I've been having some problems with smoking in bed, can't fucking get out of my head. And in my dreams I make you all so proud, I wish you could see.
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3. |
Underground King
01:38
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These days I don't feel like I'll see 25, all I ever wanna do I stay inside. I neglect my true self feeling useless all the while, I'm so fucking confused, living in my own denial.
My mum knows I've been troubled for too long. And all my old friends, they won't talk about where I've gone. Still gotta write two fucking bars now and when I'm done with that I smoke a joint and pass out.
(and this is real, every word i say. i don't give a fuck if you're listening, if you know me at all, this is the only way i get this shit out there)
I am remembering something that you said to me, that falling off the wagon's a natural part of recovery. But how many times can I fall off before you see, that if I can't quit then I'll drink till eternity?
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The scene is dark when he gets home wasted. She does her best feign sleep and fight off his advances. After what feels like hours, my eyes are seen waking and he asks me if I like it, his new way of living.
She said you must not love me if you won't do that. You must not love me if you won't do that. She said, you must not love me if you won't do that. Two hours later, she said she's just like her dad.
She said you must not love me if you won't do that. You must not love me if you won't do that. She said you must not love me if you won't do that. Two hours later she screamed that she just like her dad.
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5. |
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6. |
The Crunch (2019 Demo)
02:01
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7. |
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How many bodies do you think are in the ocean? Another vulgar thought, I should not have spoken. Making first impressions, I can never get it right. I'm stuck inside my head, reconstructing the whole night. Every word I say always comes out wrong, so I bury my head in the lines of these songs. Getting lost in dreams of immaculate dialogue, conversation so beautiful that it's worthy of dying for.
Perpetual anxiety has gotten a hold of me. It's gripping tightly to my neck, I'm tripping, seeing visions of my dad. And when it's all said and done, there's no fucking words for this stupid song. And one day you will break, under the weight of every single mistake you've ever made.
But I gotta rest, I gotta sleep then I can't sleep so I rinse, repeat. When I need rest and I need to sleep, I can never sleep so I rinse, repeat.
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8. |
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I often feel like my whole lifes been wasted on bullshit conversations, wanting you adjacent to me. And I got friends that I don't see, but when I do, they don't see me. Sit around and watch TV. Smoke some weed then fall asleep.
And I got friends that I don't see, but when I do, they don't see me. Sit around and watch TV. Smoke some weed then fall asleep.
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