1. |
To Be Known
02:11
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I would love to know what it's like to be, to be lovingly known, to be lovingly known. I've no self control and a mind too slow to face all the burdens that wait ahead me.
And now you're wandering the backstreets, I'm sleeping in the backseat, wondering why there's no one at home. Those things you said to me last week will be the death of me.
Now you're wandering the backstreets, running from a taxi, wondering why, there's no one at home. Those things I said to you last week will be the death of me.
I would love to know what it's like to be, to be lovingly known, to be lovingly known.
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2. |
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On late nights, you come home again. You wait for a response from your friends. Strong fears of wasting your life, just a lost cause, fell out of the back of their mind.
On late nights, your fridge quietly sings; 'the work life balance is so paper thin'. This pain is just a temporary thing but loss is so very permanent.
Oh late nights, why do you do me like this? Please show me a motive to simply exist. Watch as I fall through the cracks in due time, they'll pave up the roads the very next night.
How easy it is to fall asleep, for you, but not ever for me. Been calling all of my friends just to talk, the best laid plans, they might not be enough.
But I think I finally figured out exactly what is wrong with me. It started with poor sleep and then it worsened in my teens.
When I've got a lot of shit to say, I don't like the sound I make when I push those feelings into words. Experience says silence is preferred.
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3. |
Insufficient Funds
02:38
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Maxed out on my overdraft, I have spent it all on booze. The rain falls, the hours pass, I've really missed you dude. But when I saw her there, with the delicate eyes and immaculate hair, well I didn't wanna talk. I just wanted the earth to split and swallow me up by my feet.
Cause every time I go outside! My silhouette, I want to die awake. You're miles away! My saving grace always comes too late. My head!
Cause every time I go outside, my silhouette, I want to die awake, you're miles away, my saving grace always comes too late. My head!?
And every time I go outside, my silhouette, I want to die awake. You're miles away. My saving grace, but it came too late. My head!!!
And every time I go outside, I'll name the curb my bed tonight. And drink a litre in 30 minutes just to not feel anxious every time I go outside.
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4. |
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Everything I love continues to leave me behind. I know one day I won't cross your mind. In my dreams I still aspire to kill your blues, though most mornings, I can't tie my shoes.
All my dreams are dead, yeah they're gone and by the wayside now. Lonely till the end, it's the consequence of wasting sound. Never even read the last message that you sent out. All my dreams are dead, yeah let's march into the wasteland now.
I get that it's a remedy but honestly it's not healthy and truthfully I'm getting kinda scared that one day I will wake to find you've died in your sleep, it'd be a fucking tradgey.
And I know you know this hurts because I know you've felt this scared for me.
I know it's hard sometimes to find something worth waking up for. But you are mine. And you have been for quite some time. So please, don't die, please don't die.
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5. |
Weird
03:36
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Drinking alone in my apartment, trying to make sense of an awkward silence between you and me, and all my friends.
I don't deserve anybody, just sit and scream internally. Nothing good will ever stay with me, so just wake me up in a month or three.
While mine will fall apart, it seems like your life's fucking awesome! When everything's your fault, not even the drugs you take will soften the hurt, and doctors said to write a list of all your problems down. I scribbled on a post-it note, shouldn't they feel smaller now?
But it's too late and fucking pointless to say anything, so even if you chose to, know that I'm not listening. I heard it twenty thousand fucking times before, I beat my head into the wall until my brain drips on the floor.
Cause I'm so fucking weird, I'm so fucking happy. I'm so fucking sad. I'm so fucking angry. And I'm so fucking creepy, I'm lazy, stoned and always sleeping. I'm so fucking useless, you ignore me, yeah, fuck you man.
And maybe you're right, I talk too much. Just a subtle way of telling me to shut the fuck up.
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6. |
Sad Dog 2020
03:01
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Can I stay in bed just one year longer? I need more time to overcome this trauma, it's a cyclical, depressing saga, makes you wonder why we even bother. So many things that do not matter, like your hopes and dreams your brains will splatter on the wall, no one hears your voice at all.
My heart has atrophy. Just speaking truthfully. My heart has atrophy, blame codependency.
The reason why I smoke so much is to fill the void between my lungs with something that resembles warmth like the feelings that we shared before. I need a break, though I can't afford, to invest any time in correcting course. Wait until an imagined day, hope when it comes that we find a way to,
Speak openly, without being off my face. It's where I concede, alcohol has got a grip on me. And I'm falling apart. And when I fall asleep, the only thing I want to see is you waiting for me.
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7. |
Raindrops
03:32
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Raindrops, hot box. Forgetting to set my alarm clock. I've been strung out for the best part of six years now. Here's me, I'm at home, but you don't ever think about it at all. If you ask me, you're not different, you are a completely different person now.
And raindrops, they're outside. Watch as the hours just slip by. My dad, he's an arsehole who decided that we weren't worth the hassle. Do you see him in these eyes? It's why I've got to go run and hide. Well you left, I know that's true, so I don't owe you a thing dude.
But oh, woah, it gets weird nearly night. Woah, woah, on June 16th or just all my life.
But how do you sleep at night, I have been dying to know, for right now it feels impossible. And I haven't seen you in four years. I am sad, I'm scared, I'm defeated, with genetically inherited demons. Well I'm drowning with all this freedom, is it too late for my childhood's revenge?
And raindrops, they're outside. Watch as the hours just slip by. And raindrops, they're outside, watch as my life it just slips by.
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8. |
Me, Myself & Cry
03:02
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See my reflection inside a black coffee mug. Regretting decisions I made when I was young. We're from the land of rolled up sleeves, stiff upper lips and broken dreams, work to live and live too brief.
I've been making clouds, I'm watering all my plants with sparkling water. You said they would die in November, you were wrong. But lately, I'm self convincing that you hate me. All the lines that I chose in songs I'm making, note the details of your blackouts.
And often I say all the words I promised not to, like these lines intended solely for you; watching the clocks run out.
I used to want to be in those dreams you have at night. But I know that I don't cross your mind. Well in mine you're a focal point.
Well I don't want to be in those dreams you have at night. Well aware that I don't cross your mind. But in mine you're a focal point, and at this point.
I find it overwhelms me mostly after dark. Like when I'm dripping through the hallway or leaving subtle marks. All I am was never real, picture frames, false ideals. Every smile I ever knew, they've been stolen from me.
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9. |
I Didn't Hear No Bell
03:07
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If sleep is for the weak, why, why can't I creep, into a peaceful dream? My brains the enemy. From counting sheep to finding inner peace, things never work out like they were explained to me. I want a little more then what I had before. Failure is just a bruise, we treat it like tattoos. Life seems a fruitless task, fighting against relapse. Been making plans all week, but never memories.
And I want to be so much more than I am and it'd be nice if just one second of my life would go to plan. If I stay still too long, the rot will take over my soul. Eat away at old bones and make a home inside the hole you used to own.
Wandering minds and tiresome hearts. Spiral walking into moving cars. Waiting for bad days to pass cause life's a lopsided hourglass. But every scar that I have, I wear it with pride. They're constant reminders of the things I've survived. Oh but every night, I swear it's getting worse. The void in my chest will expand til it bursts and I'm gone.
And I'm gone.
But every scar that we have, we should wear them with pride. They're constant reminders of the things we've survived. Oh but every night, I fear it's getting worse, the void in my chest will expand till it bursts.
And I'm gone.
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10. |
Chillenium Falcon
03:01
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You could not make summer feel right, so disappear under the street lights. And burn our city down at night. Find a solution, build a new life. It was supposed to be so easy, until I clocked no one really needs me. And when catharsis does not find you, there's nothing gained from all the pain you went through.
I know of I should of told you something, instead of wallowing in nothing. But we can't break these marble ceilings, the things they promised were misleading. We could not make summer feel right. These tired tricks, they have a shelf life. So speak your truth into existence. Ignore the fact that's no one's here to listen.
I wish I could forget all of the license plates of the girls I used to date, you know they're burned inside my irises, just like your cheekbones and dimples. Right now, my spine shivers as my heart rests firmly underneath your boot.
But I'm learning to be okay with not being okay. Take it one step at a time, I'll survive another night. But when your car drives down my street, well I fall to my knees. I'm 23 with no degree, a dead end job and BPD.
Well I'm learning to be okay with not being okay. Take it one breath at a time, will I survive another night? Cause when your car drives down my street, you know the world sinks at my feet. I'm 23 with no degree, a dead end job, nobody loves me.
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11. |
Generic Emo Song
01:07
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It starts like any song that you've heard, this repetitive melody and some ugly words. Sung in a voice that's monotone, because I don't want you to listen close.
You are a burden on your friends and family. You will never make anyone happy. So don't even try, yeah don't even try, like you've never tried in your whole fucking life.
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12. |
Problem Drunk
02:59
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Often times my awkward feelings prohibit any general healing. So we sit and wait around for something better then now. It's a selfish life, left swipe on the things that we don't like, exercise our tiny hearts and try to take it all in stride.
But I've got a lot of things to say to you. I've got a lot of things to say.
But I am just the archetype of everything that you despise. Your brain gets in the way of any progress that you think you've made. And those drugs you take, they just amplify the attributes we hate. They're the only thing you have control over, it's a such a shame.
And I've got a lot of things of say to you. I've got a lot of things to say.
But I won't sit around till things are better then now. I don't have the time to justify my state of mind to you. Until the day I'm dead, your voice occupies space inside my head. You have circumvented growth and I think that you should know.
That I've got a lot of things to say to you. I've got a lot of things to say.
Where you will go when you're all used up? Falling apart, you're shit out of luck. Where you will hide if guilt won't subside? Count the people who died to massage your pride. And where you be when there's nothing left?
In an empty bed with wine on your breath. And where you go if it all breaks down? You'll be all doped up at your parent's house.
And I've got a lot of things of say to you.
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13. |
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When I was nineteen, I was signed off of work for depression and anxiety. I had a nervous breakdown. One day I told you that I was gonna start working out at home, and you said. You said.
Baby I worry. Cause you never fucking eat. All you do is sleep and when you're awake we just smoke weed. Baby I worry. Cause you never fucking eat. You have killed our teenage dream. So would you please eat something for me?
No one has ever cared about me just as much as you did then. No one has ever cared about me just as much as you did then. No one will ever care about me just as much as you did then, as you did when we were in love and things didn't die from my touch.
And you ask me how I cope. To put it simply, I don't. And you ask me how I cope, to put it simply, I don't. And you ask how do I cope. To put it simply, I don't. So don't me ask me how I cope. To put it simply, I don't.
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14. |
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Walking alone back to an empty home has never been that appealing. Cause all that I do is lay in bed staring at the fucking ceiling. So I'll climb up the drainpipe instead of just using the front door, it's my sad attempt to prove that I'm still the same as before. The same as before.
She said if you don't wanna live, I'll drive this car right off a cliff and we will slam into the ditch and no, they'll never speak of this. If you really wanna die, you don't have to tell me twice, with the headlights in her eyes I knew I'd never feel alive again. And I never felt alive again, until the day I died, I never felt alive, I never felt alive until the day I died again.
When all that I do is lay in bed staring at the fucking ceiling.
When all that I do is lay in bed staring at the fucking ceiling with you.
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15. |
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Raindrops, hot box. Forgetting to set my alarm clock. I've been strung out for the best part of six years now. Here's me, I'm at home, but you don't ever think about it at all. If you ask me, you're not different, you are a completely different person.
And raindrops, they're outside. Watch as the hours just slip by. My dad, he's an arsehole who decided that we weren't worth the hassle. Do you see him in these eyes? It's why I've got to go run and hide. Well you left, I know that's true, so I don't owe you a thing dude.
But oh, woah, it gets weird nearly night. Woah, woah, on June 16th or just all my life.
But how do you sleep at night, I have been dying to know, for right now it feels impossible. And I haven't seen you in four years. I am sad, I'm scared, I'm defeated, with genetically inherited demons. Well I'm drowning with all this freedom, is it too late for my childhood's revenge?
And raindrops, they're outside. Watch as the hours just slip by. And raindrops, they're outside, watch as my life it just slips by.
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